Life..a setup!!

Most of the times when I start scribbling, I only have the silhouette of the idea that I'm going to write about. However today I just started writing because I wanted to write something. Neither do I know what I'm going to write nor how am I going to go about it, but still I'll give it a shot. Let me jump in my box of thoughts again and search for what I was thinking about recently.

Yes, got it, I was pondering over the fact that how insignificant we are in this big canvas of creation. Just like specks of dust particles on a wall sized painting that go unnoticed, these particles stick to the surface for some duration of time, a day, a week, a month, a year, probably hundred years and then disappear in the same way they existed, unnoticed.Want to know the nothingness of our existance? This is how I do it. I stand in an open area, just me in my physical and mental form, I feel big, important. Then I include the ground that I'm standing in into my frame of reference, the picture has totally changed, I'm small, a blemish on the ground which looked better without me standing their obstructing it's features. Then I move a step further and stretch the canvas to include my locality and then my city in the same picture. How big am I? I'm not talking about size or money or power or contacts. I'm talking about the being in totality. And slowly I keep extending the horizon and include the milky way in the picture that just started with me, how do I look in that picture now? I am untraceable, as if I just was never there.

Sometimes I try and imagine the creators, whoever they may be and imagine them as those Gods they depict in Greek mythology. Then I get this weird feeling that be it Zeus, Vishnu, Jesus or whoever people believe as the director of this drama,he is having great fun at the expense of us, watching this great soap opera on Earth TV and patting himself on the back for this creation of his, and he is calm because he knows whenever he gets bored of all this humdrum, he can just pull the plug on this one and create a new show. Thankfully most of us don't feel this petite in our lives because we percieve a power of position over atleast some people, however we miss to see that we are all characters of Age Of Empires.

i

'I'... comes after H and before J..but in reality..I comes before everything and everyone. Some people accept it and take pride in loving thyselves, others deny it and coin words such as egotist, egoist, narcissist and many more and want to stand out of the 'egotistic' clan...now ain't that ego again...the desire to stand apart..
I believe that everything one wants to become or do is not for anybody else but for feeding the fire one has burning inside. More the fire,more desperate are the measures. SO people who are happy with what they are and knowingly or unknowingly try to cease the scathing flames are nothing but hopeless losers. I believe in just running.
I believe that man IS an island but ironically 99% of the crowd is afraid of staying alone, afraid of not being a part of the mob. Why? Why the urge to conform to foolish age old notions. Is it the fear of the unknown or the spastic and impotent brain of humans?
I believe that love is ephemeral, initiated by lust and later replaced by indifference, but again the desire to look good in the "EYES OF THE OTHERS", makes the "couples" stick together like badly filed pieces of rusted iron. SO I wait for that person whose face does not repel me and make me sprint out of bed when I see it first thing in the morning.

I believe that I do charity, not because I believe that my currency is going to make the beggar/con artist rich, but because I can not bear to see them spreading there femished hands before me who in contrast blows his money in every way possible(well apart from visiting harlots, again because I don't think I can get an erection by paying someone to do it for me..EGO you see).
But then I believe in a lot of other things, some beliefs are conventional and some make radical look like a soft sounding monosyllabilic word..
I BELIEVE..I KNOW that I'm the creator,the nourisher and the destroyer of myself and noone else can ever take that privilege of mine..

I believe in the power of time...the labyrinth of those moments are just enough to lose oneself. Dark starless nights and happy cloudless days alter with such frequency that you can not decide whether you are happy or sad.In a moment you feel like the king of the world, looks like destiny is moving the pawns to make things happen for you and in the very next world takes up the face of an antagonist. It looks like everyone just want you out of the way.
Although I hate to admit it, people do play an important part in my life from time to time..just like the key characters of a well crafted script. All of them who had a negative or positive influence in my life were essential, without them I might not have been where I am or who I am.
Why is it that a very few people just meet me for the very first time and I open up as if I've been waiting for ages to pour my heart out to those and rest of them just keep trying for ages and are unable to even break the surface of my complex entity.
Coming back to this fabulous concept of time. Time heals all if you let it.Just like an ointment. It heals your wound but you should stop scratching the gash to let the medicine do it's work. People don't do that. They like to revisit those ghosts as often as they can; to create sotries for futile sympathy and support and in the end forgetting what the facts were at that time, and in the end a statement is made saying that time in fact is not a healer, and whoever said that did not know anything about it.
I believe that life is a long journey on an uneven terrain and people are like signposts; sooner or later you move ahead and the posts are either left behind by you or broken down by natural disasters. So either you stand immobile with the signpost and finally realize that the affection was just momentary or move on and have fond memories of seeing a beautiful signboard on the way. These decisions are for an individual to make.
As for me, I carry a few of the strongest and the most beautiful with me.