Last night I was trying to answer the question that the recent events have thrown at me once again. Why do the most of us, thinkers, nonthinkers, emotional, hardened, pessimists, optimists, monogamists, polygamists, honest, liars, in effect all of us, are hesitant towards making a firm decision. Why do the things that looked clear as a blue sky while pondering look hazy as a gaunt leafless tree in the fog when the time comes to act for the same?
I've come up with a name for that intangible parasite that is the cause of all the unease, the pain, the breakups, the strife, the tears, the sorrow. I call that genus "Dangling Feelings". The nomenclature is a plural because in our life time, almost everyday till we die, where normally people don't have a decision to make, we stand on a path where we are not clear about what we want and to be more precise do we really want what we think we do?
Let's try and delve deeper into the uncertainities that we face while making decisions that require expenditure of money, time, emotions or all of these. While making decisions when lying on the bed is really an entertaining and indulging activity, trying to metamorphose those fantasies into reality come up with more bifurcations of the road that we initially started on.
I know I am not being clear about this, but soon you'll have a dilemma, whether you are afflicted with the same disease or you are among those colour blind few who can only see things as black or white.
I'll try to map the flow of feelings and try to get something out of this ordeal of dissecting emotions.
An Example
1. I badly want to buy a pair of jeans
2. Rush to the mall and start browsing
3. Going through the displays I remember about those 3 pairs which are virtually unused lying in the closet
4. Dangling Feelings are creeping in
4.1 Do I really need to buy a pair of jeans or save money for something (undefined) which I can buy later
4.2 And then you really come across the pair you were looking for all these days and decide upon buying it
4.3 In the trial room the pair doesn't look as good on you as you imagined it will and again the "to buy or not to buy" dilemma seeps in
5. The friend who was with you asks you to really buy the pair as it is looking good. Unconvinced but confused you buy the pair and forget all about the horrendous time in the showroom.
6. And finally, two possible consequences
6.1 Your peers appreciate your choice and compliment your dressing sense and the jeans become the most worn jeans of the year
6.2 Not much attention soon sends the new pair to the closet along with 3 pairs which were already discarded.
All in all these uncomfortable decision making experiences make people lose interest in shopping, hence elders don't regard shopping as anything other than a bare necessity, not because of the age factor but because of the bad aftertaste that has deposited over the years.
Now the example which is probably the most common cause of unease, sleepless nights and tense days
THE Example
1. I DON"T want to get into a relationship, because I'm driven ( you just think you are) and I don't want to complicate matters.
2. I am not committed so I can have real close friends
3. I like her a lot that's why I talk to her all the time, though I have other people I like (I claim)
4. I think I'm falling for her but I have tremendous will power to not let the things move further (I wish)
5. Things improved, got better but ended downhill, contorted as my feelings were never clear enough and I was bundled up. Dangling Feelings creep in.
6. I try to sustain the connection relying on the past good experiences but things detiriorate and comparisions start, either with past or somebody else's relationship. "So she was good to me last year but she behaves differently now, has she changed or have the circumstances??" Dilemma starts functioning and blows it all to smithereens with just you left to ponder over the whats and whys.
7. Consequences of many such incidents; I lose faith in all such matters of the heart, as romantics call it, become skeptic, but still somewhere I hope for the right one, and that hope is the seed for the next web of "dangling feelings"
I believe that we encounter these in every field and at every step but the things that require us to spend a lot of what we believe is ours makes us think again and again, and in the end after giving a lot of thought and applying a lot of reason we conclude the inevitable that certain things that warrant all our attention end up as they were meant to end. Still, these "dangling feelings" are a part of us and perhaps someday we will grow wiser.
I've come up with a name for that intangible parasite that is the cause of all the unease, the pain, the breakups, the strife, the tears, the sorrow. I call that genus "Dangling Feelings". The nomenclature is a plural because in our life time, almost everyday till we die, where normally people don't have a decision to make, we stand on a path where we are not clear about what we want and to be more precise do we really want what we think we do?
Let's try and delve deeper into the uncertainities that we face while making decisions that require expenditure of money, time, emotions or all of these. While making decisions when lying on the bed is really an entertaining and indulging activity, trying to metamorphose those fantasies into reality come up with more bifurcations of the road that we initially started on.
I know I am not being clear about this, but soon you'll have a dilemma, whether you are afflicted with the same disease or you are among those colour blind few who can only see things as black or white.
I'll try to map the flow of feelings and try to get something out of this ordeal of dissecting emotions.
An Example
1. I badly want to buy a pair of jeans
2. Rush to the mall and start browsing
3. Going through the displays I remember about those 3 pairs which are virtually unused lying in the closet
4. Dangling Feelings are creeping in
4.1 Do I really need to buy a pair of jeans or save money for something (undefined) which I can buy later
4.2 And then you really come across the pair you were looking for all these days and decide upon buying it
4.3 In the trial room the pair doesn't look as good on you as you imagined it will and again the "to buy or not to buy" dilemma seeps in
5. The friend who was with you asks you to really buy the pair as it is looking good. Unconvinced but confused you buy the pair and forget all about the horrendous time in the showroom.
6. And finally, two possible consequences
6.1 Your peers appreciate your choice and compliment your dressing sense and the jeans become the most worn jeans of the year
6.2 Not much attention soon sends the new pair to the closet along with 3 pairs which were already discarded.
All in all these uncomfortable decision making experiences make people lose interest in shopping, hence elders don't regard shopping as anything other than a bare necessity, not because of the age factor but because of the bad aftertaste that has deposited over the years.
Now the example which is probably the most common cause of unease, sleepless nights and tense days
THE Example
1. I DON"T want to get into a relationship, because I'm driven ( you just think you are) and I don't want to complicate matters.
2. I am not committed so I can have real close friends
3. I like her a lot that's why I talk to her all the time, though I have other people I like (I claim)
4. I think I'm falling for her but I have tremendous will power to not let the things move further (I wish)
5. Things improved, got better but ended downhill, contorted as my feelings were never clear enough and I was bundled up. Dangling Feelings creep in.
6. I try to sustain the connection relying on the past good experiences but things detiriorate and comparisions start, either with past or somebody else's relationship. "So she was good to me last year but she behaves differently now, has she changed or have the circumstances??" Dilemma starts functioning and blows it all to smithereens with just you left to ponder over the whats and whys.
7. Consequences of many such incidents; I lose faith in all such matters of the heart, as romantics call it, become skeptic, but still somewhere I hope for the right one, and that hope is the seed for the next web of "dangling feelings"
I believe that we encounter these in every field and at every step but the things that require us to spend a lot of what we believe is ours makes us think again and again, and in the end after giving a lot of thought and applying a lot of reason we conclude the inevitable that certain things that warrant all our attention end up as they were meant to end. Still, these "dangling feelings" are a part of us and perhaps someday we will grow wiser.
