Misunderstood!!

Alright, though generally my notes apply to a broader audience on most occasions but this time around, it is a bit different. This post will be relevant to the uninitiated, pimps, gigolos, and promiscuous people of either sex.
I’ve been thinking over this for sometime now, the chasm between the understanding of issues by me and my girl friend. Till date I was pretty smug about my comprehending powers, the ability to be on the same page with no leakage in the cistern of understanding, but off late I’ve started doubting this capability of mine. Reason being certain sudden bursts of friendly fire from her, which generally leave her unhurt and fuming, like a smoking gun, and me injured and confused. To make sure that I was not the only one causing such glaring acts of disagreement I did casually drop in the topic while conversing with various males of different age groups, and this topic is such that once initiated, guys who do not fall under aforementioned category, pour their hearts out, not withstanding who is around them, just as long as they are sad looking, stubble possessing, all empathizing males. This brings me to my post today, why do we do what we do and hopefully I will not get into why the girls don’t like it at times, because had I known it there would have been no writing on the topic.

Chivalry has to be the genesis of this post, the eternal precursor of the unexplained, seemingly primitive male responses to certain situations. The reactions that are like reflexes that occur without any rhyme or reason. The actions that look perfectly acceptable by the male race at the point of committing the same but which leave the perpetrator absolutely dumbfounded when the concerned female asks “why” and after a seemingly sufficing reason when she asks “why” again. I believe this is actually atavism in the male human race, the reappearance of characteristics that have inherently existed within us for ages, since the days of Adam or whoever he was. These traits have appeared, disappeared, reappeared at different points in the human time line but have never actually vanished from the fabric of man (male). And after a lot of thinking and on the mark but insufficient understanding, I can identify these traits to be the roots of all make ups, break ups, slaps and howlings in a relationship. For all the feminists who are ready to cock the gun, I’d just make it clear that I am not trying to defend disgusting male habits namely burping, farting, scratching, uncleanliness and ‘n’ timing (though these are found in certain chosen females too, after all man (human) is a social animal).

I believe that there are certain concepts, fundamental, planes of thinking which men assume are very easily understandable by the opposite sex but as it turns out time and again it is not so. But believe me when I say this, all men, irrespective of being urban, rural, semi urban, straight, gay can identify with these feelings even if they want to admit it or not. So though some people adapt at socially expressing their thought in a much more acceptable manner might not want to admit the sprout of such feelings, they cannot deny the presence of the same.
Chivalry, by the book means a. Courtesy towards women and the other meaning is what I believe is a more apt meaning of the word b. The medieval principles governing knighthood and knightly conduct; the former being a subset of the latter.
Here is where the root of it all lies. The acts of men in the medieval times were applauded and jeered depending on the acts themselves. The pomp and shows of machismo, the violent, blood thirsty gallantry of warriors, the blatant exhibition of manhood and power measured by the size of the harems the mighty owned were all acts that were a part of the society and because there were no news channels and no polling agencies we really can not know (apart from the French revolution and other such) the reaction of women to these acts. However, let’s try to match the columns in present behavior of a modern man and the origin of those acts, and of course equal and opposite reactions such acts elicit.

Humor, I believe is a criterion everyone looks for in any relationship. However if girls think that for men, humor is just about sharing a joke and being done with it, then they cannot be more wrong. Humor today is what almost everyone thought he knew in the age of the kings, yes, ‘the art of war’. Surprised? Don’t be. A joke for a women might be just that a joke, but for men it is everything. When in a group of boys, over a beer, in a boat with fellow sailors, in a pub or in a toilet, men share a smile as a way to bond. Jokes act as media for the same, and if I share a joke with you means that I am ready to take you in my circle of friends. But in the presence of a female, girl friend, wife or a common interest, men use jokes like gladiators use swords in the coliseum. To win the affection, acceptance of the girl, which becomes very clear by the varying degree of laughs/smiles he can notice on her face. So ladies, do not be surprised if your guy starts behaving aloof when he sees his jokes not being appreciated by you in public, worse still somebody else’s jokes are being liked in the war of wits. Also extreme reversal can happen too. You might suddenly hear a comment that you never thought your guy can make. But hey, give the man his due he is in pursuit of being the alpha male for you.

Possessiveness is something that girls absolutely hate. When the guy becomes nosey, disapproves of the friends of the girl that he personally does not know or looks ill at ease when you mention that you had a good time with a male friend at work or some place else.
Men (again not of the category mentioned in the opening paragraph) by nature are territory keepers. Be it harmless looking male animals who fight a fatal battle in case they see some other male in the herd eyeing their lady love or humans, who might not actually pull out a gun but so wish they could kill the guy who they are sure is fantasizing about their girl. As baseless or outrageous reasons they may sound, for you will hear the reasonable girl comment “it is ok, he can not do anything by just looking at me”, but the other guy will be seen as an enemy till the time he is there in the vicinity. The guarding behavior has taken over the gentle male boy friend. Insecurity, the term that girls utter with such disdain is a guaranteed sign of the boy being hopelessly in love with the girl in question. Girls mistake the questions to be a doubt over their loyalty, but what they do not understand is that, the male is doing what he always does. Trying to protect the one he is affectionate to and fighting an everyday battle to keep her with him. I believe this comes from the various cases through out history when the men used to find their beloved betrothed to someone else while they were busy warring, working or doing something else in the interest of the couple. So it’s not as much of distrust as it is an attempt at self-preservation. Men might hide these feelings but sometime or the other, either they have or they will surface openly or in an implosive manner.

Composure in face of extreme crisis and hyperventilation in seemingly minor issues, I think this bowls over the girls with utter chaos. But for us it is just an easy reflex action. Since childhood, boys become or are forced to become independent far early. Be it facing the school bullies, getting into a fight between the kids of different lanes, pre and post soccer match tussles, running behind a bus to catch it or getting stuck in torrential rains. Guys grow up with all this. We have seen our heroes do it time and again in comics, books and television. We can fight the tyrant; kill the man eyeing our girl (at least imagine in 546546 creative ways), picket the school campus but social behavior is something that does not come to us naturally. If someone does not comply or do something in line, either hit him square on the nose, insult him extremely sarcastic manner, be outrageously foul mouthed or just walk away and fume for three days and punching the walls in the room is the choice we can make. But waiting for the right time, plotting complicated schemes or forgetting is something we are inapt at. It’s either extreme, foolish love or suicidal war, nothing in between.
I remember an episode of Ally McBeal in which the lawyer John Cage defends his client from a charge of assault by quoting a very important anecdote. The gist of it was that if a man thinks that he is not able to defend his or his beloved’s dignity then the thing will eat him up from inside till he shows the warrior characteristic in some absolutely disconnected incident by dealing with the opponent and proves to himself that he is a brave man who can deal with his own nemesis in the most macho way possible. This attitude is taken and frequently portrayed as an uncivilized mindset but unfortunately we cannot help it.
Linked with this is the urge to be a man for all occasions. Great in bed, high earning at work, super guardian, fabulous driver and navigator; Say anything otherwise or praise someone else in even a remote context and you bound to have a question on your way sooner or later “Honey, am I good enough?”
I think instead of being displeased, women should be happy if they see these traits in their suitor because take this as a guarantee that barring certain traits that might appear dislikable at first, if you probe deeper into your guys heart, you will find nothing but an honest and real urge to love, nurture and guard. And men on the other hand need to learn more about the new world order, come out of the primitive reactions and polish the same to fit in, else be ready to get into an argument with no justification within the next 24 hours.